Victim or Survivor — Attitudes and Language After Trauma

When someone has experienced trauma or harm, the words we use to describe their experience can matter a lot. Two common terms you might hear are “victim” and “survivor” — but what do these words really mean, and why does the language we choose make such a difference? 

The Weight of the Word “Victim” 

The word “victim” acknowledges that someone has been hurt or wronged. It validates that what happened was not their fault. Unlike natural disasters—like floods or earthquakes—trauma often involves a perpetrator, someone who intentionally or negligently caused harm. The word “victim” carries that important implication: a person did this to you. 

However, this term can sometimes carry unintended effects. 

For some, being called a “victim” can feel disempowering. It might suggest passivity or helplessness, as if their story is only about what happened to them, rather than about their strength, growth, or resilience. Sometimes, people worry that this label can lead to getting stuck in a “victim identity,” where the trauma becomes the defining part of their life. Many people feel “I am more than what happened to me” and want to avoid being defined as a “victim”. 

Additionally, in certain cultural or social contexts, the word “victim” can carry stigma or shame. People might worry about being judged, blamed, or seen as weak — feelings that can make opening up about their experience even harder. 

Society’s Perception: “Playing the Victim” and Disbelief 

In many societies, there’s a harmful perception that someone who identifies as a victim is “playing the victim” — exaggerating or using their experience for attention. This misconception can lead to disbelief and further isolation for those who have suffered real harm. 

Being disbelieved or dismissed invalidates the very real pain and trauma a person has experienced. It can make reaching out for help feel risky or pointless, increasing feelings of shame and silence. 

Embracing the Term “Survivor” 

“Survivor” is often used to highlight strength and resilience — the courage it takes not just to endure trauma, but to keep moving forward. It can be a hopeful, empowering term that focuses on agency and growth after adversity. 

That said, not everyone connects with the label “survivor.” Healing is complex and non-linear, and some people may feel pressure to “be strong” or “move on” before they are ready. Others may feel that the word doesn’t fully capture their experience. 

Finding the Right Language for Each Person 

In therapy, language is more than just words — it’s about respect, validation, and empowerment. Many therapists work with clients to find the language that feels right for their unique journey, whether that means “victim,” “survivor,” or something else entirely. 

The key is to acknowledge the reality of the harm or trauma without reducing a person’s identity to it. Therapy aims to help people reclaim their sense of agency, build resilience, and see themselves as more than their experiences. 

Why Language Matters 

Words shape how we see ourselves and how others see us. The language around trauma can influence healing — for better or worse. Being mindful of this helps therapists create a safe space where clients feel heard, respected, and empowered to write their own stories. 

If you or someone you know is navigating the complex feelings after trauma, therapy can offer support tailored to your experience and needs — including the language that best reflects your healing journey. 

Learn More About Trauma-Informed Care 

• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): Trauma-Informed Care A comprehensive resource on trauma-informed approaches that promote safety, choice, and empowerment. https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence  

• National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE): PTSD and Trauma Guidelines and information about trauma, PTSD, and evidence-based therapeutic options. https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng116  

• The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) Resources focused on trauma-informed care especially for children and families. https://www.nctsn.org/resources/trauma-informed-care